Competition and the need to win no matter what the stakes make it easy to hurl a clever quip, to lash out verbally, cornering and trapping, employing what classical psychoanalysts famously referred to as oral aggression.We don’t see that we are intimidating when we do this, because we don’t empathize with the injury we are causing.But for people who learned to prize intellect above compassion — where the quick comeback, even a sadistic retort, scores points, gives a rush of pleasure even while dismissing the validity of the injury to another — we deny how our words can really hurt.
If anyone has been in effective therapy for long enough or has the good fortune of being able to be self-reflective in constructive ways without therapy, we have a pretty good idea of the discrepancy between different versions of ourselves in the eyes of others and those versions of ourselves we can grasp internally.
"The experienced mountain climber is not intimidated by a mountain — he is inspired by it.
The persistent winner is not discouraged by a problem, he is challenged by it.
Intimidated, intimidating, intimidation To add complexity to the discussion, sometimes people, of course, are perceived as being intimidating, when in fact they really feel an entirely different way on the inside — vulnerable or scared in some way.
When that happens, there is a big disconnect between the feedback we get from other people.This, in turn, can lead to a variety of different responses, including envy, admiration, and a sense of uncanny strangeness as something important but undefinable just seems off.