Problems with dating a masseuse
Going for a yoni massage, I thought, might help ease some of that energy and make me feel more open.
In truth, though, I'm scared of what this woman will find.
When she finishes massaging the back of my body, she starts working on my front, continually asking me what I see, what I hear. She inserts her fingers a couple of inches inside of me and begins pressing with two fingers, treating my vagina as though it's square-shaped. "You weren't completely letting go, which means that you were protecting yourself. I know myself well, and despite past trauma, I don't feel like I'm closed off to sexual experiences.
I honestly don't see much of anything, and I tell her so. At each "side" she asks what images or colors I see and whether there are accompanying sounds. If you're protecting yourself, that means that something has happened to you in the past." She says I'm emotionally "blocked." (I ask Kalenteris whether my inability to relax could have anything to do with the fact that I don't know her. After the massage though, I feel as blocked as she had said I was.
So my expectations are high: I expect she'll either teach me how to squirt, pronounce my spirit clean, or identify all my deepest fears and banish them forever.A continuous light stroke on the clitoris is a good first step too.