White man dating a black woman
So, he lives with the knowledge and reminders that whiteness is a globally enforced, psychological terror system that is utterly destructive and he has to constantly work at not being an agent for that system.Thar it meant interrogating his assumptions and judgments and perspectives every day, multiple times a day. in no uncertain terms that they are not welcome in my life or my home, ever.White people ain’t shit when it comes to honest reflection, empathy, and human decency, unless it’s in a way to excuse their own fuckshit, so I knew they could not be a resource for talking about race issues in my relationship. Unless we opt out of direct contact with whiteness at all times, we find ourselves mired in the nuances of dealing with overt, subtle, unchallenged racism and white fragility so delicate that even referring to white people as their chosen self-descriptor will send them into a space of offense so deep that it shuts down all conversation between you…sometimes forever.Black people know what it is to have to manage whiteness. Black people have constant streams of evidence to prove to white people that they’ve been bullshitting themselves about racism all their lives and they don’t like it. We have been together for nine years, during which the national conversation around race changed dramatically in this country.He literally hated the police until he wanted to make someone else do something..stop doing something. I was still figuring shit out myself – I’d never truly interrogated my perspective of whiteness until it was part of my private life, and then I had to take a real look at myself as well as the bullshit views of him, his friends, and his family.
When he backslides or stops confronting shit, I remind him of his promise to me and our relationship. I live with the knowledge that he will never fully understand and relate to my Blackness and that if Black people decide to inflict the same violence they’ve received from whiteness, that he may sacrifice me to save himself.
He had to learn to acknowledge that not only was he privileged, but he was racist and that would never change as long as he lied to himself about it. And he knew it wasn’t a good look, but it was something he decided to change about himself, because if he couldn’t we were over.